Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Short Story

I wake up from my long rest, peering out the car window. It was a long drive down to Wildwood, New Jersey. I rolled down the window and let the salty sea air pour into the car. The smell was familiar to me. It was a smell I had waited all year for; the smell of summer, sand, and sun. My parents were in the front seats, accompanying me on this journey. They forbade me from bringing a friend this year, so I will have to stick it out on my own. My eyes were still hesitant to stay open, so I closed them and rested the final time left.

We arrived at the hotel at about 5 o’clock AM. The sun was peeking above the horizon. The sky was a beautiful shade of yellow and orange. I dug out my beach blanket and strolled down to the beach. This was the perfect time for a nap. There was the pacifying sound of the waves crashing on the shore, and the seagulls chirping in the distance. I smoothed down my blanket and laid down, digging my toes into the sand. I thought about this vacation, and planned out everything I wanted to do. I wanted it to be just like last time, minus the crab cutting my toe open. It was a time to get tan, feel the ocean on my skin, and meet boys. But I could never forget the one I met last year. He was perfect and sweet. We spent practically my whole vacation together. My parents didn’t approve, of course. They told me “not to get too attached”. They said I was only there for a week, and then I would never see him again. I wanted to prove them wrong. I had no idea, how to do this, but it was my goal for the whole vacation. I pushed out all the thoughts in my head, and went back to the time when I first met him.

I have relaxed, unpacked, and gotten enough sun. Now it’s time to indulge a little. “Can we go get some ice cream?” I asked my parents. They agree and we ventured out down the street. We find a small ice cream shop that looks decent. It’s square and white with a green awning. “25 original flavors” the sign reads. Hmm, what flavor to get? I think to myself. I decide on coffee ice cream with hot fudge and Oreos; the perfect combination. I sit down at a withered picnic bench to eat. I savor all the flavors and take in my surroundings. If I could, I would live in this town forever. I feel a cold spot on my stomach, and I look down and see that I’ve dripped some ice cream on my shirt. I walk back over to the counter for some napkins. While I’m there, there is the cutest guy I’ve ever seen. Light brown hair covers his head, and he has gorgeous green-brown eyes. He’s wearing tan cargo shorts, and a loose blue shirt. “You missed, I see,” he says.

“What?” I say, looking confused, then I remember what I came up here for, “Oh, right. Yeah...” How embarrassing…I quickly wipe off the glob.

“Can I get coffee ice cream with Oreos?” he orders.

“Nice choice,” I smile and tell him, walking back to my table. He takes his order and sits at a table in front of mine. I catch myself staring at him, and try to keep myself focused on my ice cream, so I don’t miss my mouth again.

I get up to leave with my parents, but he stops me. I walk over to him, and wave my parents off, letting them know they can go back to the hotel. My mom gives me a look, and I just stare at her. She finally gets the hint, and her and my dad walks off. I sit down across from him at a table.

“So do you always eat ice cream by yourself?” I ask, sarcastically.

“I just needed something to do…” he says, taking a bite.

“C’mon, how can you get bored here?!” I ask, surprised.

“After living somewhere for 17 years, you run out of things to do,” he says, looking at me. I just smile at him and nod, kind of awkwardly. The sun finishes setting, and we talk some more. We get up and we stroll down the street. Couples and tired kids past us, but I get caught up in the moment. Everything around us just disappears and it’s just me, and him. We get near my hotel, and we both go our separate ways. I gave him my number, and I got his. Chase was now added into my phone.

I look up from my blanket. My parents are resting beside me, and I feel my back heating up. I take a trip down to the water, sitting where the tide barely reaches my feet. I let it wash over my toes, and I pick up interesting shells. I stare out at vast ocean, to the horizon line. I look up and down the beach, when I feel someone walking close to me.

“Aubrey?” I hear a familiar voice call. It couldn’t be… I look up and it is in fact Chase, the boy I met last summer. Fate has answered my calls. I must be dreaming.

“Chase? I can’t believe it!” I jump up excitedly and hug him. He holds me and I feel so happy. We stay there hugging, and I feel the water dancing around our feet. This is how I want to spend my summer; with him, in this town.

3 comments:

  1. 1. The conflict is that Aubrey wants to see the boy she met the summer before again. It is internal. The resolution is that he does get to see him again.
    2. The character doesn't really seem to change over the story. You could maybe work on that. =]
    3. My favorite part of the story is when she meets the boy at the ice cream shop.
    “Can I get coffee ice cream with Oreos?” he orders.
    “Nice choice,” I smile and tell him, walking back to my table.
    This is my favorite l;ine because it shows how they immediately have something in common.
    4. I think the best quality of the story is the description. All the things around her were really well described and you could picture it.
    5. The story's theme is that good things can happen.
    6. One thing that could be revised is that you keep changing tenses throughout the story, you go from past to present. It's kind of distracting. Also, the ending is kind of abrupt. I expected there to be more. I wasn't sure what the relevance of the ice cream boy was. But i liked itt!! =]

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  2. 1. The conflict is that Aubrey wants to meet the boy she met last time. This is kind of an internal and external conflict. She is waitng for him and finally sees him again. The ending was very good. It could've been more dramatic maybe like this: Aubrey hears the voice of Chase calling and runs to him, but realizes it's just a dream and then when she is getting ice cream again, she sees him.
    2. She doesn't really change. Maybe you could add something, but I don't think the character HAS to change.
    3. My favorite part of the story is the resolution. It was so romantic how she was thinking about him and he appeared. I liked how you described the water dancing around their feet."We stay there hugging, and I feel the water dancing around our feet." It shows very good description and I would like the feeling of that too.
    4. The best quality is its description because you described like the sceneary very well and the characters too.
    5. The theme of the story is that if you know that good things will happen and keep faith, it will come true.
    6. I think the story was very good overall, but you could maybe add to the ending like the way I suggested or in your own way.

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  3. The conflict of the story is that Aubrey is hoping she gets to see Chase again, and this is an internal conflict. It is resolved when she gets to see him again.
    The character really doesn't change very much.
    My favorite part of the story was the resolution. Like Lisa, my favorite line of the story is "We stay there hugging, and I feel the water dancing around our feet," because I liked the way you described that moment.
    I also think the description was the story's main strength. You made everything easy to picture.
    The story's theme is that if you stay positive good things can happen.
    Like Ashley said, the ending is very abrupt. I feel like there could be more of a falling action/resolution.

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