Thursday, October 15, 2009

Can You Hear The Music

In a time of electronics and expensive gifts, do those now replace the actions we do for someone? People are getting caught up in have the "next best thing", or that flashy product they see everywhere. There are so many advertisements pleading them to purchase. But are those the things we should be valuing? What about those Kodak moments or time we spend with our family? I say we should value both.



It’s a home game against Palmer. My family is on the sidelines and my friends are on the field, playing with me. I bolt up the field into the white-lined circle. The defenders crowd the area and block my view. I cut in and out of them trying to get through. I get around, and take my spot on post. I wait patiently, watching my teammate with the ball. I get my stick down, ready to receive a pass. I see the ball, and it quickly makes its way over to my stick. I cradle gently, and turn my body so I am facing the cage. I get down and take a nice push-shot into the net. The goalie steps sideways, trying to stop the ball. It’s a goal.

I back off from and I hear my family cheering from the sidelines, and I see my team proud. I’ve waited for this moment. “Tweet! Time out, blue.” The official yells. I hustle over to my coach, who smiles and congratulates me. We move on, talking about any improvements we need to make. Out of nowhere, our goalie comes up behind me, trying to hug me, practically tackling me. The rest of the game goes on, and the Tigers take on another win.




Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle. I tap the illuminated interface repeatedly. I skip over songs even though I requested random play. I slide my hand down the long cord to my crisp white earbuds. I slip them into my ears and let the music fill my head. I listen quietly, taking in the lyrics and the sound. It can take me out of any troubles I’ve had and into something new. I walk up the stairs to my bedroom. Traveling over to my nightstand, I unplug my headphones, and insert my iPod onto my dock. Now I can more easily listen to my music, instead of having to carry or hold it.
My iPod touch helps me fit any mood. It also helps me to relieve my boredom with all the applications you can download. I can even go on internet and access my favorite sites. My iPod also helps me get through long car rides, like my recent 5 hour trip to Wildwood, New Jersey. Without it, I might not have made it there, and back. I couldn’t resist watching my favorite movies.


My first goal and my iPod really have nothing in common. One can help me unwind and or even get pumped for a game. The other I had to work all season to get, practicing stick skills and drills. When that moment came I knew everything had really paid off. So I value my iPod for its portability, and all its capabilities and my goal for the satisfaction it brought. So while one is pushing 300 dollars the other is absolutely priceless.

So after thinking about what really is to value, I’ve realized that it can be a tough decision. You need to value special occasions and your family and friends, but it could also even be items that have a price tag. It could be your iPod, or your cell phone or sports equipment. It should be whatever you are truly thankful for, and that you would never want to lose.

8 comments:

  1. I. Hayley seems to be saying that she values both the "Kodak moments" in life and the price tag objects. Hayley strongly values her moments and objects. She values her iPod touch and when she scored her first goal in her field hockey game with her friends and family there with her cheering her on.

    II. I found Hayley's iPod more clearly described than her moment in her field hockey game. I found her iPod more described because she talks about the illuminated interface and her pressing shuffle repeatedly, skipping many songs. I do the exact same thing. She also talks about putting it in her dock so she can move around her room easily.

    III. One of the essays overall strengths is the detail Hayley puts into describing her memorable moment and her iPod. Hayley makes it possible for me to picture her object and when she described scoring the goal, i felt as though i was in the stands watching the whole thing happen.

    IV. One piece of advice i would give to Hayley is to consider not asking so many questions in her introductory paragraph. It makes it more interesting when the writer asks some questions but when there's too many, it makes the paragraph a little confusing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The author seems to be saying that it is tough to say what things in life are truly valuable. That material things and priceless moment are both valuable for different reasons. Also, she kind of is saying that people have the right to value whatever they want for whatever reason. That no one can really say what is more valuable.

    I liked when she is saying how she puts her iPod on the dock to listen to it freely. It is very relateable. It's something that I do almost every day so I am very familiar with the scene. I also thought her description of waiting for the goal was good. You could tell how focused she was when waiting for the ball. You almost felt nervous with her.

    I'd say that one of the essay's overall strengths is the description. She describes everything vividly but without being too over the top. It is relateable and easy to understand. Yet vivid and exciting.

    One suggestion that I would have for Hayley would be to have less questions in the introduction. I agree with Amanda that with so many questions it gets a little confusing. It's almost like an information overload. There's too much to think about to fast.

    ReplyDelete
  3. the authour seems to be saying that it is hard to determine what is of value and moments that are truly valuable. She also says that noone has the right to tell you what is valuable and what is not. She goes o to say that both are very important to her.
    I think that the priceless moment was described well in the essay. she used a lot of field hockey terms to specify what really happened for her first goal. My favortie line would have to be at the end when she talks about the goalie hugging her but almost tackling her. I can imagine how happy she was to get the goal and how excited her team was that she got the goal. the hard work had defiently paied off.
    the essay's overall strength would have to be the the conclusion. I think that it was the best one i have read so far so i think it is really good. i liked how nicely she summed everything up in the end. i also liked how she said it was a tought decision to pic which one is more valuable and then baked it up with detali.
    One piece of advice i ahve for her is to proff read her paragraph about her ipod. She has the same sentence twice in a row, exact same sentence. A lso try and take out a few of the questions and put in a few more regular sentences about the yopic. i was a bit much for me. Niceeeee job :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1. Hayley seems to start out by asking questions about what people value, and then she says that she values both priced items and "priceless moments".

    2. I think that her iPod was described really well. My favorite like from that part of the essay was,"I tap the illuminated interface repeatedly. I skip over songs even though I requested random play. I slide my hand down the long cord to my crisp white earbuds. I slip them into my ears and let the music fill my head." I like this line beause of how it describes that it is not just the iPod itself that she values, but also the music and everything on it.

    3. I agree with Sabree that the conclusion was one of the strengths of this essay. I liked that she made the choice that they were both important to her and that she couldn't make a decision. I also like that she ended with what she thinks valuing something means.

    4. One piece of advice that I would give Hayley would be to cut out some of the questions in the introduction. I think it is a good idea to have some questions in it, but there are a little too many. Also, she may want to look over the part about her iPod becasue she repeated the same thing twice in a row. Otherwise, her essay was really well written.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The author is saying that value is what youy make it to be. It doesn't matter if you believe an ipod is more valuable than a specail moment or sport. What matters is that you are truely thankful to have a special moment or something with a large price tag. She is saying the value is dictated by how you feel towards something rather than what it is.

    The first field hockey goal very well described. It tells what happened before and after she got the goal. Also how she shot and what kind of stance she was in while she was waiting for the pass. I could see this image in my head as I read the essay. I thought this was very vividly described.

    One of this essays overall strengths was word choice. It flowed nicely as well as being interesting. It described things very vividly too. The word choice also helped the reader interested with the essay because it kept it from being dull. This was an overall strength of this essay.

    One suggestion i would make to the author is to reread for spelling and grammar mistakes. There were not many, but they could have easily been avoided by simply proof reading. Other than that this is a very well written essay and I enjoyed reading it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What Hayley is saying that value can be about price, or it can be about those special moments that don't come around too often. She thinks that value is what you make of it. Anything that is important to you is valuable, whether it's priced or priceless.

    I thought that Hayley's first goal was well described. I remember that game. It was a very big moment for Hayley, as well as the rest of our team, and I really thought she did a great job of describing that moment, and I felt as though I could see it happening again.

    I agree with Ashley that one of this essay's overall strengths is the descriptions. I also think it is very relateable. I also think this essay flowed nicely. I think Hayley's word choice was great and made the essay interesting.

    Again, I agree with Ashley. The only piece of advice I would give Hayley is the questions in the introduction. Questions are good, but maybe she has a little too many. Overall, I thought this essay was very good though, and I really enjoyed reading it. Great job Hayley!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The author says that many people are going for the "next best thing" but questions whether or not that's what we should be valuing. She values her first goal at a game for field hockey. She also values her iPod. Both items are very different but she still values them both. She thinks that what you value is up to you and it's what you make it.

    I think both objects were described very well. I like how Hayley said, "I slide my hand down the long cord to my crisp white earbuds." It's very descriptive. Also, "I cradle gently, and turn my body so I am facing the cage. I get down and take a nice push-shot into the net," is very detailed and it makes you feel like you're watching.

    I believe the essay's overall strength is its descriptions. I think that everything is very well described. The word choice made the entire essay flow. It also helped add detail. It made reading the essay enjoyable.

    One thing that you could improve with your essay is the introduction. There are a lot of questions. Though the questions are good, I think there a little too many. Having less questions would make the reader have less to think about making them think more about one or two questions. Overall, I think that this is a very good essay.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I. Hayley is saying that people should value both "Kodak moments" and items with a lot of worth. She values when she scored her first goal in her field hockey game with her friends and family there, and her ipod touch. She thinks that deciding what is valuable is a hard decision. I agree with her on that.

    II. I feel that Hayley described her ipod better then her field hockey game. "Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle. I tap the illuminated interface repeatedly. " I thought this was really, really good. I liked how she made the shuffle, shuffle, shuffle sound, because it touched the readers senses. I also loved how she said illuminated interface - I thought that was really well worded :)

    III. I think that Hayley's overall strength in this essay was her description. I felt that she described her game really well, I felt like I was living the moment, which is what i think she was trying to acheive. I also loved how she described her ipod, she had very good word choice, and her personality was very good throughout the paper. :)


    iv. I don't really have any advice for Hayley. I think she wrote this essay very well, and showed what she truely valued. GOOD JOB HAYLEYYYY. I also liked how she chose when she got the goal, because it reminded me of my first goal this season for soccer.

    ReplyDelete